Album Review: Metal Machine Music

One thing I thought would be fun would be to review a legendary terrible album.  While there is typically a massive audience for horrible movies (and many generate a cult-like following), the same is not generally true with albums.  In this, I commentated on and reviewed Lou Reed’s legendarily bad album Metal Machine Music.  It is often considered the worst album of all time and had never listened to more than 4 minutes of it prior to this experience (in high school, I gave up after around 4 minutes).  I gave my commentary throughout the 4 tracks (called A-1, A-2, A-3, and A-4).  Each track is around 16 minutes (except the 4^th track on the linear notes, where the length is listed as the infinity symbol). 

Without further ado, here is my torturous experiment.

 

Prior

·         So scared already.  This is such a terrible idea.

Track 1

·         0:15 – Not too bad so far; I could see artists being influenced.  I thought it was worse earlier.

·         0:50 – I can see people quitting by now.  I don’t mind it so far.  Maybe they caught me on a good day?

·         1:20 – Scratch that.  Not a good day.  I spoke too soon.

·         1:30 – There’s actually a part that sounds nice in this.  The issue is that there’s other noise over it that is just painful.

·         2:25 – I will say that this isn’t enjoyable, but it is interesting to hear; obvious how it opened the doors for a lot of noise rock, alternative, and experimental artists.

·         3:30 – I’m getting used to it and have enjoyed the last minute.

·         3:45 – Scratch that.  The noise came back again.  I spoke too soon again.

·         4:20 – I am enjoying this more than I thought I would so far.  This was around the time I quit when I tried listening to it in high school.  Probably a bad sign for my musical interests.

·         5:10 – To think I listened to Tyler, the Creator’s album last night and went to this one today.  What a drop off.

·         5:45 – This is a rare case where they combine consonant music and dissonant music.  The reason that it’s so rare is that it never works and typically doesn’t pair with each other (especially since it’s typically different keys).  It has to be done in an experimental nature for it to be tolerated by some, which is what Lou Reed has done here.

·         7:20 – There’s a couple parts that are just noise really but they pair really well with each other.  I do like this part here.

·         7:55 – I really keep jinxing myself here.  He added some additional noises and this section sounds so sloppy.  I’m cringing so much here.

·         9:00 – There’s a noise that keeps sounding like a phone ringing and it sounds a bit painful; definitely makes me anxious there.

·         9:40 – I still have over 6 minutes to go on this track.  Joy.

·         10:10 – I’m long past the part where I enjoy parts.  This is way too much already.  There’s no attempts to make anything that’s even listenable.  What have I done here?

·         11:40 – I think part of the reason this is so painful is because there’s so much.  It sounds like a case of overcompression or an example of the loudness war that came back to light in the 90’s.

·         14:00 – I think this one is calming down a bit so I’m feeling better.

·         14:15 – Why do I keep doing that to myself?  Some more noises came in.

·         14:45 – Wow, my ears are not feeling good after this one.

·         16:00 – Thank God we’re almost there!

·         After – Also thank God for ads on Spotify.  I need a break before I can continue this one.  That was horrible.

Track 2

·         1:05 – This is literally more of the same noises.  I was hoping it would be different.

·         2:05 – I just double checked to make sure I was listening to a different track.  Somehow or another I still am.  This sounds so similar to the first.

·         3:45 – I wish I could tune this out at this point, but it is impossible.  The noises that Reed has used are so unnatural that you can’t get used to them.

·         6:00 – I actually was kind of fine with the last minute.  Not sure what it was, but I could tolerate it.

·         6:20 – There was a glimmer of hope:  there was a new noise that sounded like it would be really cool (kind of sounding like something My Bloody Valentine would have utilized), then a loud noise that had been used drowned it out.

·         7:30 – For the last 30 seconds, it sounded like he was going to go a different direction.  I thought it sounded kind of neat.  Then I heard the sound from the previous note again.

·         9:10 – I’ve really enjoyed the last couple minutes of it.  While it’s not going anywhere, I’m starting to be ok with that.  It is turning into less of a maddening adventure and just more of a chaotic entertaining one.

·         10:15 – I’m not going to listen to anything from this album again, but I’m enjoying part 2 much more than part 1.

·         11:00 – After I complained it sounded like Part 1, it has taken its own life.  The different nature of the sounds in this part give this track its own sound.  I think this one is more inventive and even kind of clever at points.

·         12:25 – I said that previous note and now I’m starting to get a headache from this.  I have no idea how I’ll get through the remaining tracks.

·         13:05 – One thing that is crazier is that most of the noises were created by guitars.  I hear some noises that you would hear in some drone or avant-garde type music and others that have crossed over into others, which is kind of neat.  I heard a couple parts just now that I could see fitting in a Tom Morello guitar solo.

·         14:15 – I really am coming back to the thought that if there wasn’t so much compressed into this that it might be enjoyable.  I think there’s so much that the breaks are when the Spotify ads come for the ears, which isn’t a good sign.

·         15:20 – Reed mixed some noises that were newer and cooler with some from part 1 so it feels like kind of an homage even.  Not sure I’m in love with that considering how much I hated that track.

·         After – I was starting to get overwhelmed by that in the last couple minutes.  I think if there was less I would have liked that one.  Rather, I’m thrilled that we’re halfway done.

Track 3

·         0:05 – How did I already get a headache from this one?  The song started and my head pounded.

·         1:15 – There’s this consonant noise that has recurred in some of the parts that I don’t mind since I think it meshes well with several other sounds.

·         2:15 – And now there’s a sound that makes me wince and stress out anytime I hear it.

·         2:55 – I initially thought I would be able to work on other stuff while reviewing this one.  I can barely focus on realizing what my thoughts are on the album.  I have never had this happen before.

·         4:25 – For a second I thought I tuned it out, then I realized that I still heard it, just I had a finger in my ear without realizing I had done it.

·         5:05 – This track is another case of I wouldn’t mind it if they didn’t overcompress the entire album.  It makes Metallica's Death Magnetic sound undercompressed.

·         6:30 – Each track is so incoherent I keep checking to see which track I’m on since I can’t distinguish each of them.  I got through saying the second was better than the first and I already can’t remember what I listened to in either.

·         8:10 – I just heard what sounded like thunder outside and it sounded better than the album.  Mind you, I’m scared of thunderstorms.

·         9:15 – While I haven’t enjoyed this, I do respect the ambition that was used.  I still see how a lot of this has been utilized in the future of music.  I’m not sure what alternative sounds like without it, as I expect bands like Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., and even Pavement were influenced by this in some ways.

·         11:25 – Note to self:  bad music isn’t as enjoyable as bad movies.  It’s not as funny after a few minutes in.

·         12:30 – Another note to self:  this album is one to stay away from in panic attacks.

·         13:20 – Lou Reed is probably laughing at me in his grave as I struggle through this album.

·         13:40 – I haven’t minded the last 15 seconds or so.  It was noise that was a little less pronounced that paired together and was a more natural fit.

·         15:40 – I’ve had a lot of difficulty since I made that note.  The good news is that this track is almost done.

·         After – The nicest way I can put it is that I’m a moron.  Why am I too stubborn to not do it once I came up with the idea?

Track 4

·         0:45 – I feel like this track is even worse than the others, but I think it’s a compounding of the brutal noises.

·         1:55 – I think the reason I feel like all of this sounds the same is because it’s all just an utter mess.

·         2:40 – I’m getting to the point I feel like I’m hearing video game sounds in this.  At this point it checks out.

·         3:15 – Note to self:  consider making this an album recommendation for April Fool’s Day.

·         4:05 – There are some that argue this isn’t the worst album of all time.  I’m definitely going to have to avoid any others that might rank near those.

·         5:15 – This track seems to keep getting louder.  Either it’s getting louder, or I’m just so done with it.

·         5:45 – Lou Reed said this track was infinitely long in the album notes.  That would be one version of Hell made for me.

·         6:30 – My dad walked by the room I’m listening to.  He must not have heard it, otherwise he might have asked what the hell is happening that I’m listening to this.

·         7:25 – I don’t like the selection of sounds chosen in this one or the pairings of them.  It’s as if he saved the worst for last.

·         8:35 – This album has honestly made me so tired.  I have never had that happen with a musical release before.  I wonder if it’s just my mind quitting on me after that.

·         9:15 – I noticed this track has more listens than track 3 on Spotify.  Did people decide they weren’t feeling track 3 and skip right to track 4 expecting something better?

·         10:35 – Dad walked by again, still no reaction.  I expect one when I tell him what I did later.

·         11:25 – I was considering making a list of things that sounded better than this, but I might get to the point where I’m longing for nails on a chalkboard or something like that.

·         12:05 – I suddenly got this brief moment of calm, like the last 20 seconds sounded like it made so much sense in the madness.

·         12:25 – Scratch the last note.  I’m more stressed than ever.  That was a cruel tease.

·         13:50 – This part is actually kind of cool and sounds really neat.  It’s funny how after listening to a long period of awfulness that I love something that sounds decent.

·         14:45 – Why does he ruin something I was kind of liking by throwing in a sound that makes me feel like I’m rubbing my head against a chalkboard instead of the nails?

·         15:20 – Maybe I’m getting used to this, but I can’t tell whether I want this to end in 30 seconds…no, I’m not going there.  End already.

·         After – Yes!  I did it!

Legacy review:  3 stars

There’s no denying that it is influential in drone, experimental, and avant-garde music (along with some other experimental genres), there are also clear influences in other genres of rock, especially alternative.  I could hear several instrumental parts that clearly influenced various rock artists and even included riffs that I could see others utilizing (the ones most prominent off the top of my head included Tom Morello and Eric Johnson).  Still, its reputation as a horrific album will tarnish its reputation any more than it’s daring experimentation ever would.

 

My review:  0.5 stars

I tend to be generous with my reviews, so I only reserve 0 stars for an album that I liked no part of; I thought a few minutes were interesting and creative.  That said, an album I dread, gave me a headache, was horrible, and made my ears have difficulty hearing for the rest of the day cannot be rewarded many stars at all.  In particular, this album was so nonsensical that I don’t understand how anyone actually approved of this album.  It was a nightmare and I hope to never listen to that again.

Have you ever listened to this album?  I hope not for you, but what did you think of it?  Any albums you found so horrible when listening to them?  Let me know in the comments!